The dog stops at the stairs and will not go. There are two popular theories. The first: comfort him and carry him. The second: on no account comfort him, because the fear will grow — show resolve and make him get through it.
Both often miss the point.
Fear is not a conscious trick rewarded with stroking. But gentle words alone will not teach a dog that the stairs are safe either. A dog needs neither a person who ignores what he feels nor one who is frightened by his fear. He needs a situation in which he is still able to observe, choose and learn.
First ask why the behaviour changed
If a dog has suddenly started to fear climbing, jumping into the car, being touched or walking on a certain surface, the first step is to make sure he is not in pain. Problems with joints, the back, the ears, eyesight or other health issues can look like a “lack of confidence”.
A veterinary examination is especially important when the fear appeared suddenly, is getting stronger, covers many situations, or comes with changes in sleep, appetite and activity.
Only then do we build a behaviour plan.
Comfort does not reinforce fear
Older leadership-theory literature often claims that by stroking a frightened dog you confirm that being afraid is right. Emotions do not work that simply. Calm closeness or the chance to move away does not make fear more attractive.
But how we help matters. If you tense up yourself, start repeating “it’s all right” in a high voice and hold the dog firmly in place, the situation can become even more intense. Help can be quiet: move back, sit side-on, let him hide, offer a familiar task or some food if he can take it.
Not every dog wants to be touched at such a moment. One will press close, another will feel safer with more space. Watch what that particular dog’s body language shows.
Work below the fear threshold
If the dog can still sniff, eat, turn to look at you and move freely, the distance is probably right for learning. If he freezes, tries to escape, refuses normally valuable food or strains in panic, the task is too hard.
The right distance often has to be judged not in metres but by what the dog can still do. One day he watches the vacuum cleaner from another room. The next he comes a few steps closer. If the machine moved and the dog fled, next time we go back to an easier version.
Progress is not a straight line. Fear is affected by tiredness, by earlier events that day, and even by the weather or how a place echoes.
Desensitisation and a new association
Two processes often work together. The first is very gradual exposure at an intensity that does not yet trigger strong fear. The second is building a new, pleasant association.
Suppose a dog is afraid of umbrellas. At first a folded umbrella lies far away — and food or a favourite activity appears. Later you pick it up but do not open it. Later still you move it slightly. Every step must be easy enough that the dog is not overwhelmed by strong emotion.
Food is not a bribe for luring a dog too close. If he came for a treat and only realised he was trapped once he had eaten it, trust has not grown. It is better to deliver the reward where the dog feels safe, sometimes even throwing it further from the trigger and so rewarding the retreat.
Why “he will get used to it” can do harm
Keeping a dog near a frightening object for a long time is called flooding. Sometimes the dog stops struggling because he has genuinely got used to it. Sometimes because he realised he cannot escape.
Silence is not reliable proof of safety. A frozen dog can be experiencing intense fear as well.
The American Veterinary Society of Animal Behavior (AVSAB) recommends systematic desensitisation, that is very gradual habituation, during which the animal is kept within a safe learning zone at all times rather than being made to “face the fear”. For a particularly sensitive Aussie, one attempt that is too hard can have a greater effect than several successful sessions.
Confidence grows from more than fear work
It is good for a dog to experience that his choices work. Simple nose searches, safe surfaces, easily solved tasks, body-awareness exercises and clear communication all build his overall ability to cope.
Do not turn every day into fear therapy. A dog needs activities in which he feels competent, and enough time to recover.
Courage is not the absence of fear. It is the experience that you can stop, get help and move forward in small steps.
When to stop working on your own
If fear interferes with eating, sleeping, going outside or being calmly handled, causes aggression, or spreads to more and more situations, consult your vet and a qualified behaviourist who works with positive reinforcement methods. When the fear is severe, medication is sometimes needed too — not as a substitute for training, but so that the dog can learn at all.
A dog does not need a person to panic alongside him. But nor does he need one who, because of an old leadership theory, pretends not to see the fear. Calm begins with safety, not with a show of force.
Read next: Five cues that genuinely keep a dog safe